Hopelessly

I wait around mentally alone wanting something or someone to happen. Every moment of my existence seems like a farce that someone from the outside is having a laugh at. No, not someONE some crowd of beings. Some large mega dome full of people with the driest of humor. People that wonder why I'm even wasting space on this vile earth. I can see a future featuring me in a straight to DVD movie encircling the joke that is myself. I realize that to those of you reading this, I sound like one of those people who ache for sympathy, but honestly, I'm usually not. I'm the sympathetic one, the caregiver, almost maternal even. I beg to be needed and thrive on being wanted. I overanalyze the slightest things people do in order to make me seem victimized. It's pathetic but I feel if people didn't include me in things, it has got to be because they did it on purpose. Know why? Because if I think they actually took a minute or even a second out of their thoughts to even intentionally single me out, I feel important. Again, I know it sounds exceptionally pathetic, but I am involuntarily in love with attention. I'm good at seeming spiteful towards it, but it's a huge act. And it's not like I lie about it either, I just naturally react negatively towards attention although now, we all know it's a croc. Call me out on it next time...I'll love every moment.