Not really

Not on purpose at all, I said to a friend of mine that I was going to go to bed, but alas, I am here very obviously awake and feeling bad for mistakenly giving out false information. I didn't mean to. I completely had my heart set on unconsciousness but after getting up, cleaning my teeth and face then coming back into the room, I felt less weary. I'm now finding out this new wind was a short-lived falsification because again, I am very tired and feeling a little dizzy from being so. The human body is a mysterious place by which i cannot decipher, especially my own. You would think I'd know myself well enough to predict such a thing would happen but more than anyone else, I am most detached. I don't understand why or what I think or feel. I can barely give an explanation for many things I believe in or don't. The precursors in my life that have led me to these exact moments are the haziest of blurs that no man would be able to see with even the best of eyeglass. No deity of any religion could number my days or plan my next thought. Amongst everything I've known, I do know one thing: life or any piece of it is in no way predetermined. Nothing is fate. Fate is a fake as the gilded jewelry welfare mothers insist on wearing for any hope of a status climb. As fake as the nails the women partaking in whoredom buy with the earnings from their trashy ways of life in order to make a living. Possibly as fake as the love so many claim they feel for unsuspecting victims that they throw out with the garbage once weekly. Don't come at me with the fallacy of fate, come at me with rationale and reason, with the obvious proof of cause and effect.