Right now

I'm thinking about how things fall into place the way that they do. Why do people fear confrontation and truth. Why can't things get handed to you on a silver platter when the less deserving get the special treatment. Who made the decisions that the sky should be up and the world should be round? I only sit in wonder because something somewhat frustrating happens and I take the time to try and figure out why. In that process I get deeper and deeper until I don't even remember what spurred such thoughts. I'm so stressed and my thoughts are literally screaming at me and my heart is racing as though there is a prize at the finish. What prize would it be for my heart if death where the shiny trophy or giant check? What if parts of you had their own thoughts? What if the couch you sit on got annoyed because you accidentally spilled crumbs on it? Maybe the crumbs are afraid of heights? Did they die on impact? Did they have families? What if you were the Godzilla in the life of a sandwich? Do you hold remorse for said sandwich? I honestly think far too long about the possible aspirations and thoughts of inanimate objects. I wish someone would just give me answers. Not necessarily about the seemingly pointless things that jog through my mind but of the "important" things. Like, why can't there just be life guiders people could go to? I'm starting to sound crazy, but I really would like to know some stuff. Nothing too wild, just random things that would really shine some sense onto a lot of things. Like, why do some people peg me as self centered? I don't get it. Although, what's new. I don't get much. I don't get satisfied or recognition or interest. I don't get a second glance or desires. I get what I beg for and what I beg for is mediocrity.