To a degree

The more I think about my life as a whole the more disappointed I get in myself. I feel as though the older I get the more immature I become. Not socially, but responsibility-wise I'm going backwards towards childhood status. The things I wish didn't faze me are dictating my life. The people I barely acknowledge, negative feelings I get from every situation and society as a whole are running my entire life. I think too much and do too little. I need to evolve and get my shit straight because so far digressing in every situation thrown my way isn't cutting it. I'm driving myself completely nuts just breathing in and out. I have to do nothing whatsoever to absolutely anger myself. I need a leg up. I may not deserve it, but I'm so weak that I need the strength of another or several others to even live a semi-decent life. In order for me to not be alleyway box-ridden takes at least two people other than myself to make it so. I'm a pathetic being and I need to change. I need to get everything in order. I need to do so much in so little time that I may just spontaneously combust. Knowing that every time I seem to figure things out for me and become a somewhat respectable person then getting shat on in the end isn't the best of reinforcements. I need something more enticing, rather than blatantly realistic preconceived notions of my future.