Nothing

No hope.
Not now.
Not ever.
This is me bitching.
And I don't give a fuck who cares.
I have no clue what to do next.
If I'm strong enough, I will get healthier.
I will hopefully join the military.
Make someone proud for once.
Because at this rate, I'm shit.
I have nothing to show for.
No one who completely cares.
Even though I put my whole heart into something, I get hurt.
I disappoint.
I let down just because I was being the person I've always been or tried to be.
Only way for me to get anything, is for me to go away.
Stop ruining other people's lives and annoying the fuck out of everyone.
I'll leave everyone alone when the time comes.
And I'll finally make someone halfway okay with knowing me.
Because we all know, I'm nothing to brag about.

On the real

Why pride yourself on something you can't even live for?
I used to do it all of the time and I'm learning to fix that.

I'm trying to be completely me, but things keep getting jaded or skewed.
This isn't a complaint, this is real life and I'm honestly lost.
I can't find where I stand.
Actually, I'm not standing at all.
I'm taking everything on my ass.
Because every time I get up and try to take everything like a brave person, I get kicked in the chest.
The more blows I receive, the harder it is to get up again.
One day, I'm not going to get up, so the world can feel free to trample on my strewn out body and mind.
It's happened more often than not.
So, feel free to dig your feet in hard.

True Life

I can't fix the broken alone.
Nor can I shut up with people asking me questions.


I've honestly tried hard to better myself over the years.
And I personally think I'm progressing slowly, but surely.
Seeing as I'm the only person constantly with myself, I'm the only one who notices.
A promise not broken is that I will someday soon be easier to tolerate.
Also, everything you've put into knowing me is something I hold dear to every piece of myself.
I love the few people I have that are close to me and I want them to know that they all make a huge difference.
Without them, I would be a mess.
Even if only one of them decides to give up, then the equilibrium that I hold so strongly onto will collapse.

Know your worth.
I don't take you for granted whatsoever.
Please, don't do so for me.

Vast

I hate feeling wrong within myself.
I hate crying because I can't be who I feel is right and please the people I care for.
I don't want to sit and take slaps in the face from others without putting my thought in.
And when I do say what I feel on the matter, I get chastised.
I wish I could be understood by someone.
I know that everyone is uniquely their own person, but I need someone who gets me.
I'm aware almost every sentence begins with "I" but this is about me right now.
I need to get my feelings out because crying isn't enough.
Especially without comfort or care.
I personally felt shitty on the whole matter.
I felt back burnered and forgotten.
Cast out with the old and shabby.
When I feel that way, I say or do things to make myself known.
Everyone ever has been a fan of attention.
I just hate being the last to know.
Or just not knowing at all.
Why can't more people see where I'm coming from.
Just put yourself in my shoes.
Listen to everything you're brushing off.
It's not easy.
It hurts.
More than you think.

Please

Don't take me completely serious.
I may feel one way at a certain time, but not always.
I understand that things aren't as bad for me as they could be.
I know there are many other people in the world going through far worse than me.
But sometimes I go through things and express my feelings in a ridiculous way.

I love my close friends.
I love my close family.
I'm pretty alright with my life.