I'm terrified. I've only gotten worse and doing the research just proves it's not looking good. I've ican hardly handle things now, I don't want to even think of a year from now. I don't know who I am or what I'm doing anymore. I really don't. I feel like I'm ruining all of the good things for myself and even for my best friend. I'm so sick and broken that I'm shitting on her feelings. I wish that she could be happier. I love her. What is wrong with me. What can I do now. I'm sick.