I am

Still trapped in my thoughts, but now I have something worth reading to write. Rather than progressing everyday like everyone else, I fall back at a staggering rate and when I hit the ground it's nothing like the asphalt I expect, it's moist and soft. Before I can manage to get on my feet I realize it's quicksand and there's no one there to help me. I struggle and writhe until I'm neck deep and then just before I feel my chest compressing, somehow I find myself standing beside the pit dirtied and thankful I got out of that one. It seems that although I have heaps of bad luck, I somehow manage to pull myself out of trouble for what seems like a blink of an eye. The ratio of bad to good things that happen to me are out of this world and if this is how it's always going to be then I don't know what to do. Sometimes I sit for hours and think about what I can do next. The possibilities are on a short list. Sometimes there is no list at all. I don't know how to go about righting all of the wrongs in my life without some large amount of help from the people that have only taken from me because they are the only ones at liberty to fix me. That which broke me needs to put me back together somehow and soon because I don't know how much more I can take of myself in this state. I don't like who I've become for the most part. I want to be someone worth knowing.