I'm through

No one cares about me. I'm a fuck up. A waste. Nothing to live for and nothing to die for. Made to sit alone, breathe alone and to be a desolate empty shell forever.





I may stop writing.

No one cares.

I ruin everything I come into.



And no one wants to read about my downfalls anyhow.

Umm

So, I need to learn to think before I say or do.
More and more I realize that I'm fucking retarded.
I never mean anything bad by most everything.
And I hate to use nuture as an excuse.
But, I was made into this thoughtless person.
Those around me have been selfish and careless.
I'm surprised I'm as decent as I am.
I'm appalled I even have compassion anymore.
At this, I'm sorry world for my indescrestions.
Most of the time, I don't mean it.
I'm a pretty alright person.
At least, I'll keep telling myself that.
It's managed to keep me from going crazy.

Not necessarily other people though, it seems.

Grateful

I love the Krajeckes.
They may be my favorite family ever.
They're loving and gracious.
Like everyone else, they have their problems.
But they look past them.
They actually act like a family should.
They listen to music together.
Watch movies and laugh.
Make me wish I grew up with something similar.
No matter what, they look out for each other.
They help each other out.
They learn new things from each other.
Everyday.
Everyday they love more and more.

So

I'm trying to be proactive about everything.
But I have no idea where to start.

Any help?

And so forth

I'm still stranded at a crossroad of monstrous proportion.
I feel like I'm going to be lost forever.
Or until I'm forced to make a terrible decision.
I know there are a few options.
One I want.
One that would be nice.
One that's the easiest.
And one that is depressing.
The one I want won't work.
I can't pay rent alone nor live alone in a new place.
The nice one isn't that nice.
I don't want to live there.
But I love my brothers.
The easiest is somewhat sad.
I don't want to leave people I love.
But I could see some family I rarely ever see.
Although I know I would be somewhat letdown.
And I don't want to be depressed with the last one.
Why go back to something so mediocre/unfulfilling.

I'm fucked.
I just wish I could give up.

And evaporate.

Elise and I love Silver Foxes

For these reasons:

Anderson Cooper
Gerard Butler
Mike Rowe
Bear Grylls
Al Pacino
Robert De Niro
Bruce Willis
Brad Pitt
Denzel Washington
Edward Norton
Paul Bettany
Russell Crowe
George Clooney

Uhh, we're having an issue thinking up people we talk so much about.
More later.
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I would love to thank Elise for giving me a great birthday.
I'm lucky to have someone like her.
It's weird because she's like sky level amazing and I'm soil.
Thank you, Elise!
You're the bestiest.